05 May

I was told my blog is far too long and nodody reads long articles, but I just dont know how to trim it without losing the jist of what I was musing about…..

I must firstly say I have never been abused or abused anybody else in my life. This is why I am battling to understand how a person can keep going back into a relationship that is just so wrong.

In the last year I have seen a well-educated lady become involved in a relationship which everybody else around her said it was heading straight for a disaster.

Family and friends tried to talk to her but to no avail. She even went so far as to say that she would drop all her friends to be with this other person. From the beginning of this relationship everybody told her that it was totally wrong. The other person was married and had a family that he was supporting yet he pursued this lady with a passion and promised that he would divorce his wife and marry this lady as soon as it was possible.

This relationship was on and off quite a couple of times with some serious verbal fighting taking place. The male involved constantly verbally abused this lady calling her every bad name under the sun. Then while they are “broken up” she is inclined to tell anybody and everybody all the sordid details of their affair. I wonder if anybody really wants to be around her anymore.

Yet after every break up we find this lady contacting this male once again, and then they get together again and the whole process starts all over again. At every break-up the abuse gets worse and worse.

Here at work everybody now knows what is happening and why her work is suffering. Her social circle also knows of this sordid affair and how she is being abused.

Yet with everybody telling her to get out and start enjoying her life, she still continues in this abusing relationship seeming to be addicted to it. She just keeps going back no matter what he calls her. He keeps talking of loving her, but after a night of passion, he goes straight back to his wife.

Now – I know there is a vast difference between IQ and EQ but when it comes to total stupidity I have a serious problem with people who keep banging their heads repeatedly against a wall coated with steel knobs in the hopes that the very next time somebody would have put a pillow in the way. All that happens is that sometime or the other there is going to be serious pain and lots of blood all over the place. I’m not even talking about the possible loss of her job when the bosses decide one day that they can no longer put up with all the side-shows and emotional outbreaks at work, or the number of days that are being taken due to “not feeling well”.

Please give me your views on this as I am totally at a loss, yet I feel I cannot just turn and walk away.


Posted by on 05/05/2013 in Musings, Welfare


Tags: , , , , , ,

7 responses to “Abused

  1. 68ghia

    05/05/2013 at 14:48

    Some people, Paul, are so very unsure of themselves, have such a low opinion of themselves that they think they deserve the abuse they’re getting.
    It took me 10 years before i saw the light and broke the circle. Even now though, 15 years after the fact, I’m still having issues with my own self worth, regardless of what I’ve accomplished or what I know.
    The only person that can end this is the woman in question – and she might never end it because the strength it takes to do that is almost impossible to gather.

    • paul

      11/05/2013 at 19:21

      I like what you wrote here!
      Your first sentence hits the nail squarely on the head. I did add to my BBM as I know she would have seen it. Things are starting to look up a bit and I think that contact has now been broken.
      So now we pray that all will continue in a positive manner and that this matter will become history.


  2. granny1947

    05/05/2013 at 15:33

    Oh dear Paul..this is a difficult one.
    I cannot imagine being abused and putting up with it so am in no position to offer advice.
    I do think, however, the decision has to come from her.

  3. Lisaman

    05/05/2013 at 20:58

    I still have no idea how people can call this love!!

    • paul

      11/05/2013 at 19:10

      I dont think love has anything to do with being abused. I think it is some state of mind that effects the person so much that they cannot think of anything else logically.
      68ghia said something that is so true “peoplehave such a low opinion of themselves that they think they deserve the abuse they’re getting”. We all need to build up those around us and maybe we will in some way help them in the long run.

  4. optie

    06/05/2013 at 14:18

    These situations never end well and I just hope your friend sees the light before she gets physically harmed. But only she can stop the cycle of abuse!

    • paul

      11/05/2013 at 19:04

      I spoke to her today and it seems as if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
      She is moving out to a new environment with no contact to the other party.


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