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Tag Archives: humour

Apologise to all Dogs


dog1

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the doctor once a year for his check up, and at any other time during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighbourhood in a house that is far larger than he needs.
He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the house.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work hard, and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head…

dog2

My dog is a Member of Parliament!

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1 Comment

Posted by on 13/05/2014 in Black and White, Humour, Musings

 

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Some smiles and some tears!


For today I thought I would lighten up and post an old joke that was sent to me. Old, but at times true!

Another post that was sent to me by a fellow blogger is one of many outpourings by the Black South Africans as to the state of the country. They are waking to the fact that things have actually gone backwards since the ANC came to power. The euphoria of Nelson Mandela as the first Black president has worn off and reality has now set in.

Mkhandela is responding to the school book fiasco where some schools have not received their text books even though half the academic year has already passed. The shambles out their is totally beyond belief. One school received 200 books for on grade, while the school has nearly over a 1000 pupils with no books!

The matter of unqualified teachers is a sore point with qualified white teachers that were retrenched sitting at home hoping for a job.

Mkhandela

http://www.news24.com/user/Mkhandela

Why Bantu Education was better…

28 June 2012, 14:35

It never rains but pours for South Africa’s Eden, Limpopo. The floods are corroding its education system at a rapid pace. We are halfway through the school calendar and not a single textbook was insight. That is, until today when some parts of the province are reported to be receiving the much needed academic aids.

Some many years ago the African child revolted against a poor education system under apartheid. They envisaged that under democracy their offspring will be served a better, more efficient system minus the shortcomings of what they were subjected to. They perceived that if they watered the tree of freedom with their shed blood the sins of apartheid committed against the black majority would be purged.

It was this generation that hoped that the dawn of democracy will better their livelihoods. Rays of hope sprung to light in 1994 when finally that vision was achieved. Little did they know that the nightmare of apartheid will live to haunt them almost two decades after freedom was attained. Only this time they would not be players but spectators.

The revolutionary generation of ’76 lives to witness a dream betrayed. Having fought for a better education system their efforts were in vain. The democratic government is failing their children.

The current education system is worse compared to Bantu Education. At least under Bantu Education books, regardless of their quality, were on time. Under that deplored system the pass rate for matric, per subject, was not lowered to 30%. If Bantu Education was bad, what about the low literacy and numeracy rates in the current system?

Vanguards of apartheid were brutal in defending the status quo. However, their administration was more efficient than what the current state does. Teachers under apartheid were well trained, carried out their duties conscientiously, and respected the profession. They understood that their role as parents, guardians and role models to their protégés.

Fast forward to democracy, which in fact is demon-crazy, you find a bunch of sex-crazed educators who prey on vulnerable young girls. In exchange for marks they demand sexual favors. They are incompetent and rely on the unions to keep them on the job. Under Bantu Education, the trend we see of so-called “under-qualified” teachers was alien. Systems were in place and were functioning optimally.

At least apartheid was resolute on the kind of education system it preferred. Democracy is still undecided. They have chopped and changed the system more times than I dare to remember. But what I do know is each change has worsened the system. It has punched holes in the future of many young hopefuls who have emerged out of the system worse than the time they were incorporated into it.

Education has the potential to better the lives of people. It is proverbially the key to success. But with the current system in place, it is the key to a bleak and uncertain future. The ANC government has failed us in this regard: Change is needed!!!

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 29/06/2012 in South Africa

 

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Irish Joke


Paddy was over on holiday from Ireland on Bondi Beach, but couldn’t seem to make it with any of the girls.

So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

‘Mate, it’s obvious,’ says the lifeguard, ‘you’re wearing them old  baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They’re years outta style, Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos about two sizes too small. And then drop a fist sized potato down inside ’em.
I’m tellin’ ya mate, you’ll have all the babes ya want!’

The following weekend Paddy hits the beach again, with his spanking new tight Speedo, and his fist-sized potato.

Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by.

Covering their faces, turning away and even laughing, and some looking very sick!

So Paddy went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, ‘What’s  wrong now?’

‘Hey … Maaaayte’ said the lifeguard, ‘the potato goes in the front!’

 
4 Comments

Posted by on 23/02/2012 in Humour

 

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the REAL valentines day messages


True Friendship…

…..SCOTTISH STYLE!!
(None of that sissy stuff..)


Are ye tired of those weedy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
 Well, here are a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship… You will see no cute wee smiley faces on this card .. Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

1…When ye are sad — I will help you get pissed and plot revenge against the bastard who made ye sad.

2…When ye are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking ye.

3…When ye smile — I will know ye are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4…When ye are scared — I will shake the piss out of ye every chance I get, until you’re NOT.

5…When ye are worried — I will tell ye stories about how much worse it could be until YE STOP YER WHINING!

6…When yer confused — I will try to use only wee words.

7…When ye are sick –Stay the hell away from me until ye are well again. I don’t want whatever ye’ve got.

8… When ye fall, I will laugh my effin head off at you, you clumsy fool, ……but I will help you up.

9… This is my oath…. I pledge it to the end.

‘Why?’ you may ask.

Because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth…

 
13 Comments

Posted by on 14/02/2012 in Humour

 

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Smile time


After the last serious posts here is something to have a smile for!

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque..
They’ve told the public not to panic as they’ve managed to push it inside.

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During last night’s high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said “We didn’t even know they were living up there”.

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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.

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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.

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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, “what’s up Abdul, won’t it start?”

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A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
“Are you Mohammed?” he asks.
“No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.”
And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, “Are you Mohammed?”
“No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.”
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, “Are you Mohammed?”
“No, I am Jesus… You will find Mohammed higher up.”
Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, even higher. Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
“Are you Mohammed?” he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing
“No my son…..I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?”
“Yes, please, my Lord.”
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out: “Hey Mohammed, two coffees !!!!”

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8 Comments

Posted by on 14/02/2012 in Humour

 

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Look before you leap


When I saw this today it was a reminder that there are times that we start something that isnt easy to stop (like heading down the slide). Then we suddenly realise that we are heading for a serious situation (like getting yourself shafted!) and we have no way of stopping it. So it is just one of those things that we need to consider before taking the plunge.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on 30/01/2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Best Laid Plans


Best Laid Plans

 
6 Comments

Posted by on 30/01/2012 in Humour

 

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